The Narcissist plays a very important role on our journey. They are sent to wake us up! I actually had 2 at the same time before I began my journey. I was living with one and the other was my boss. They both tried to destroy me but neither did. I actually survived and ended up thriving. It wasn’t pretty while it was going on though.
A narcissist differs from just self-involved selfish people. There are plenty of selfish people but narcissists are actually not that common as you think. They take pleasure from inflicting and causing someone emotional pain. They will also cause that pain intentionally so they can get pleasure. A narcissist will apologize for something they did wrong to you, only because it looks good in front of others for them to do so or benefit them in some way. They will apologize for causing you pain and discomfort but will smile while they do it. This is because they don’t have the emotions to be able to express on their face what they are feeling. They are fake and unauthentic therefore they really don’t know the appropriate response to emotions. Everything the narcissist does and says is for a show. So that those around them and you fall for their facade. This why the narcissist will act perfectly around others and when they get you alone show their true colors. When you are in a relationship with one they will tell you and everyone else that you are the problem. They will then abuse you mentally and emotionally so that you do act crazy and everyone believes them and not you. They are energy and emotion vampires because of your negative emotions from how they treat you, feeds them and makes them feel good. They leave you drained, confused, and feeling mentally ill. They will totally convince you that you are the problem and a burden to them as there is nothing wrong with them. They, after all, are perfect. You are the problem and always will be because you are crazy and they are not. Narcissists always relate being emotional to being crazy. They provoke your emotions just to point out and say you are crazy. They will say mean hurtful things to you and smile while you cry. Narcissists love your pain and they love seeing you in pain. There are actually quite a few narcissists in high positions. I actually see even some acting as spiritual leaders and gurus. When you are following someone pay attention to their facial expressions. That is one thing a narcissist can not control. They can’t have facial expressions that line up with what they are saying. Is someone talking about something sad with a smile on their face? Is something apologizing while smirking? Is someone talking about joy but don’t look joyful? Watch out for people like this. I am not going to name names but one high profile “guru” is accused of running a cult. I watched an interview with them answering the allegations against them. I actually could only watch about half of it because it was a perfect display of narcissism. I no longer could take or participate in what they were saying. What they were saying didn’t match their face. They also looked very put out and bothered that they were even having to give explanations. How dare anyone question me and how inconvenient it was for them. Was their energy and attitude throughout the whole interview.
I was in my narcissist relationship for 6 years and a half years. He was my first relationship after being single for 6 years. When I first met my narcissist that woke me up it was a magnetic pull of energy so strong, that every time we kissed we shocked each other. We met, I ignored all the red flags and then we moved in together. He seemed so perfect to me. He was super responsible, a hard worker and listened to me. He wasn’t the very good-looking bad boy I usually went for. I thought maybe being in a relationship with an average looking guy that was responsible might be the answer. I had a cycle of bad abusive relationships and I thought changing my type would break the cycle. I was wrong and right at the same time. I wasn’t spiritual at that time nor was I religious. I just was trying to build a normal life and thought someone responsible and normal would be the one to do it with.
He was a great listener at first. That was because he was listening to my life story so he could pick out everything that caused me pain, to use it against me later. He over the years convinced me I was crazy and he was sane. I was incapable of doing anything right and should let him have control over everything. He drained me of every good emotion I had and only left the negative ones. So he then could pick at them with his comments and use my past I had told him about against me. After 6 years I was a mess. I literally could only go to work come home and collapse on the couch. There was no sunshine in my life only darkness. I felt suicidal and would fantasize about killing myself and how I would do it. There was no medicine, no pills that would make me feel better. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medicine no longer worked for me. I had strange health problems but the many specialists and doctors found nothing wrong. I was healthy physically. Therapy didn’t help at all. I paid someone $200 dollars an hour to stare at me and nod their head. I am not saying therapy doesn’t work for anyone. Unless a therapist has been through what I have gone through and can give me advice from that standpoint. It is not helpful at all. They are telling me what they learned in college from a textbook. Unless someone has been through narcissist abuse they can never understand how truly insidious it is.
Then one day I just began to wake up to the mess I was in. I began to see what a fake and terrible person he was. I began to realize I wasn’t the problem. I wasn’t crazy. It was actually him and he was a terrible person. I began to see through his facade and what a nasty person he truly was.
It started with a book that just happened to find me. It was called “Psychopath Free” and I then realized after reading it. I wasn’t the problem. He was the problem. I then bought even more narcissist books and studied him. I started to stand up for myself and made plans to move out and leave him. Since he controlled everything and all the money. This wasn’t easy to do but I did it.
He was the master at the silent treatment. If I said anything that he didn’t like he would give me the silent treatment sometimes lasting for weeks as punishment. As a Cancer, an emotional and all about my home person. This was miserable for me. At first, I begged him to talk to me. This had no effect on him but give him even more pleasure from seeing me in pain. Then I began to give him the silent treatment back. This, in fact, bothered him greatly as he wasn’t getting what he wanted from me anymore. He wasn’t getting my energy from my emotions. He would eventually come to me and talk to me. I also began to call him on what he was doing. I would point out he was gaslighting me and how he was doing it. I exposed his behavior to him consistently and constantly. I repeatedly told him he was a narcissist and I knew what he was. We fought and I never gave in to him. I think secretly he admired me for this but after 3 months of it. He helped me move out. I then began my spiritual journey.
At the same time in the last 3 years of my relationship with the narcissist as a partner. I had a job in a corporate kitchen as a chef. It was a very good job for a chef as it had all the corporate benefits. I worked only weekday daytime hours with full benefits, stock options, and a 401K. This is rare for a chef so it was a very good job. The bad thing was we had a psychopath for a boss and we were all held captive in close quarters for 8 hours a day being in a kitchen. I won’t go into the grizzly details there is just too much to tell. I can tell you he always singled me out and treated me the worst. I now know I am a lightworker and that is why. His darkness reacted to my light. A lightworkers job is to deflect darkness away from others because they can’t take it and we can. What would break a normal person doesn’t break a lightworker. So while he treated all of us bad. I got the worst of it.
After 3 years of him treating us so bad, that us girls from work had girl’s nights out so we could drink and tell horror stories about our boss Dave. He got a promotion and was leaving. We were so happy to get rid of him we had a party. Well, he wasn’t happy with just his promotion and leaving. He still couldn’t leave me alone. He was getting at me through the new boss he recommended to take his place. This new boss was trying to get me fired. I caught on to what was going down. I then filed a grievance with Human Resources which is a joke. I figured out Human Resources gets a paycheck from the same company you are fighting. They only purpose is to shut you up, get rid of you, and save the company money. They always put seemingly sweet and nice people in human resources that are secretly vipers. Regardless it got their attention though and stuff started to happen. I then put into for my weeks paid vacation and while on vacation met with a labor lawyer. I convinced the lawyer to take my case even though I had no money. I made a list of demands for human resources. They flew someone out to meet with me. They refused my demands but it started an investigation. Human resources interviewed all my coworkers. They feeling safer by seeing that I survived telling my story began to talk. Long story short my boss who got promoted got fired. The boss that was doing his bidding that took his place got demoted and transferred. The coworker that was my bosses ally against us got fired. They changed rules in the company just because of me and I made a change for everyone. I ended up with a small settlement that I shared with my lawyer. This is the change lightworkers make where we go. We defeat the dark because we carry the light inside.
Why did I have 2 narcissists in my life at the same time? I had one at home and at work. I never got a break. They were sent because that was what I needed to have to wake up. I had other chances but never took them. I would always get sidetracked. So I got the double dose.
They both were sent to me to wake me up. They did this by tearing me down. They both tore me completely down between the 2 of them. This is the job of the narcissist. To tear you down so then you can build yourself back up. This is the catalyst to your spiritual awakening. You then began the journey of healing and building yourself and your life back up. The narcissist is an example of a person not to be sent to you. So you can find yourself and be a better stronger person for it. While it was painful when it was happening. I am now grateful to the narcissists. I would not be here today writing this blog, helping others by sharing my journey. If it wasn’t for them.
I see advice all the time to empaths to run from narcissists. That never works because you are running from the lesson they are here to give you. When an Empath is healed and strong. They can bring the narcissist down. I wasn’t even very healed or strong and I brought 2 down and a couple since then. Now narcissists run from me, they want nothing to do with me. How do I do it? By exposing them over and over. Their greatest fear is being exposed to others. They fear people finding out what they truly are. The Empath can expose them because we have emotions and can tap into them. We have what the narcissist doesn’t and can’t ever have and that is our greatest weapon against them. The more we expose the narcissist the more people we save from them.
I have vowed to never talk about politics but I can tell you one thing. What is happening to the United States is what I described here in this blog. It is being exposed and torn down. Everything that is wrong is in our face now so we can deal with it. Once all the racism, sexism, corruption, and repression is gone. We will build it back up like it is supposed to be. This will happen around the world and is happening now. We are preparing for building this new world by healing ourselves and healing others through our experiences. This was talked about 2000 years ago and we are doing it now. Past yourself on the back for what you are doing. You by healing and changing yourself are healing and changing the entire world. We are here to get rid of the all that is wrong, heal the broken because we were once broken, and to build it back up to a world that is for everyone a safe, secure and abundant place to live. Lightworkers and Starseeds this is your mission. Lightworkers by exposing and deflecting the Darkness and Starseeds by spreading the Light and Love, we work together to create healing for everyone. We are warriors for the Light and we will claim victory over the dark!
I will write next about the twinflame relationship and what that brings to our journey.
Love and Light.
I am a shaman/ lightworker/energy healer. I am clairvoyant and clairaudient I use these gifts for my readings and healing sessions. Please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you are interested in a session. Please visit my blog at soulsisterstruth.com for more blogs and info.